The Middle Mile

In high school, my cross-country races were three miles long. Of those three miles, the middle mile was usually the toughest one. Though the goal in each race was "negative splits," where the time for each mile is faster than the previous one, what typically happened was a different story. My first mile would be the fastest, starting out the race with full energy and feeling good to go. Then I would get tired, and slow down noticeably during the second mile. The question, "Will this race ever end?" would creep into my head as my energy dropped. Then, the third mile would hit, where I would find some reserves and pick things up as I saw the end in sight, but not reach the same speed that I had for my first mile.

September 1998. Running a cross-country race as a senior in high school. I believe this photo was taken during the middle mile of said race.

The middle mile experience is how I can best explain how I've felt this cycle versus the prior ones. Last week, even with my not getting temozolomide, I often felt drained. It wasn't such an acute feeling like I had the week before, but more of a nagging feeling that would hit as soon as I arrived in clinic for chemo and persist throughout the day. My digestive tract also felt "off" all day long. It wasn't nausea; I could still eat and all and didn't want to vomit. However, it always felt agitated in some way, even when there was no irinotecan-associated diarrhea to control. By evening, shortly after dinner, I felt both tired and a bit queasy. Nighttime sleep restored me to feeling somewhat normal, only for everything to repeat itself the next day.

Today, this feeling finally began to fade. Hopefully, I have a good next few days that don't go by too quickly. I have some things I need to do when I have the energy. And I furthermore hope that next cycle (#11) is easier on me, like cycle 8 being easier than cycle 7. Then after that it's my last ifosfamide/etoposide cycle (#12), and then after that the last third of my treatment. Or the last mile of my race, where I look to catch that second wind!