One Year in New York

It was a year ago today that I arrived in New York to seek treatment. I remember, upon arrival, a lot of New Year's celebrators grabbing whatever cabs they saw so they could get to Times Square. Not like I was in any position to go even if I wanted to -- by the time my diagnosis had come back, I needed crutches to walk, and couldn't bear much weight on my left foot. Any "walking" of note required being pushed around in a wheelchair.

I had no idea what I was about to face or how long I would have to be in treatment. Would I have tumors all over me? Would I need treatment for the rest of whatever time I had left? The closest thing to a family experience with cancer I'd had up to that point was a close family friend who was diagnosed with Stage IV ovarian cancer in 1990. I can remember visiting her and seeing her crashed on her couch exhausted from chemo treatments. And then later on, she was in a hospice, and I'm so glad that back then I didn't know what a hospice was for. I remember seeing her in bed, weak and thinned out, with a number tubes in her. She passed away in late November. Having seen that endgame before made the days between my diagnosis and my first scans quite scary, though the gravity of the situation also worked in my favor -- there was this emotional numbing effect that kicked in when my diagnosis came back that also blunted my sensations of fear.

Well, here I am one year later, with just one more chemo cycle left and still healthy. This gives me a lot to be thankful for, most importantly that I will have some guaranteed time at home between the end of my treatment and my late March scans. Not all patients get to this stage, so to even have this time makes me feel very blessed. I still have a long way to go, though, considering that there will be regular scans and tests and associated anxiety, plus continued rehab as I get back in shape. Hopefully my sailing continues to be smooth.

To report on the latest with treatment itself, cycle 16 started with some very familiar feelings. The temozolomide in week 1 made me tired once again, though the big crash didn't kick in until Wednesday afternoon, lasting through the following Saturday. Before then, I had another pleasant experience of a new physical therapy exercise leading to some big progress shortly thereafter. On Tuesday afternoon, I was put through a set of basketball drills, involving moving side to side with my knees bent, as if I were playing defense and trying to steal the ball. Some dribbling was also thrown in. The next day, I suddenly felt more strength in my legs, and found myself taking short jogs through the main hallway clinic. I had tried to run before, with limited success -- I could get a running stride going as early as mid-October, but I could only produce it every now and then, and it did not feel particularly natural. This time, though, I was doing it while feeling the effects of chemo, and whenever I wanted. The stride still needs work, and I can only go slow and for short intervals at the moment, but now I do feel like I can run again, so that's big. Here's a video I took of myself the following Sunday, after I'd slept off the week's chemo tiredness:

The following week, chemo diarrhea kicked in, and without the Suprax antibiotic anti-diarrhea measure (I ceased using it on doctor's orders because of my recurrent C diff infections), it was a bit more persistent than any of my past cycles that had not been complicated by C diff. It first happened on Sunday night, with follow-up episodes on Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. A stool culture taken the morning after my first episode did not test positive for C diff, so thankfully I still had Immodium available to me for control, otherwise I'm sure things would have gotten out of hand. In even better news, my brother visited me for the first time since early May. He's a resident at the University of Wisconsin hospital in Madison, so he's really busy. The time we got to spend catching up and hanging out, though complicated by getting chemo, was still precious, and I'm most glad we had some time together after a really long time without it.

I just now feel like I'm kicking this cycle's chemo feeling. Physically, I shouldn't complain -- it really was expecting worse than what it's been given all the chemo I've had to date. But mentally, these later cycles are becoming more and more of a drain. To bring my running background back into it, it's like the end of a race, where I'm huffing and puffing even though the end is in sight. Still, it's time to kick things into gear and get some things done over the next couple of days. I then get a visit from Ashley, and I want to be able to enjoy it to the fullest!